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I often find that when we are given choice, we stay stuck in the feeling of decision and refuse to decide at all. Or we surrender the decision and ask someone to decide for us. Or we do something unrelated that is mindless, easy, and occupies our time.

It's how we've felt picking a book to read. Picking a game to play. And after a while, even what page to work on next for this site (though that is still a little easier for us to decide - for now).

We are often so busy at home, or so often interrupted by another's thoughts, we rarely have our own. Working on something doesn't exactly lend us to introspection, even if we're left alone, but if we are resting it feels that we're wasting what little time off we have better left spent in productive tinkering. And we love to tinker! We love to relish in a job well done, a completed project, a congratulations or a pat on the back.

But we rarely return to ourselves. We speak to another. A friend, a partner, a family member, or even a discord server full of familiar strangers rather than ourselves. And I wonder why that is, sometimes. Is it not seen as productive? Isn't it more productive for us to do so, being a system that can, quite literally, have a varied and complicated conversation with ourselves? These conversations usually bring up ideas and feelings that are useful to work through, to analyze, to dissect and understand. But they also often bring up pain.

Tinkering doesn't dig up pain. It only delays the onset. It pushes it away to deal with another time. A time when our kettle is already boiling over and the tea inside spills and burns on the stovetop. The stove is still on - always is - even when we put things on the back burner.

We need to get better at filling our own cup (in talking to ourselves) and turning the stove off (soothing our heightened emotional and nervous systems). With practice, I'm sure it'll be easier.

Another thing I am oh so glad to note is that by getting rid of more and more, we feel more comfortable in our home. I think by getting rid of even more, being even harsher about what we keep, how we keep it, and being able to actually use the house we've been so graciously been gifted, we will be so much better off emotionally and even physically. And once things have left our possession, we'll be able to upkeep the home much easier - and we will be able to see what we truly need around the house.